Dear Diary.... To be Honest

DEAR DIARY

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To be honest I am so tired. How is it possible to love your job and simultaneously mildly dread going into work everyday ? Welcome to the world of a nurse. Specifically bedside nursing. If you are unfamiliar with bedside nursing , let me make you familiar with it :)

Bedside nursing refers to the direct care that nurses provide to patients in a hospital or healthcare setting. It involves working closely with patients at their bedside, monitoring their condition, administering treatments and medications, assisting with daily activities, and ensuring their comfort and safety.

As someone who is currently wrking bedside , personalized patient care, assessingthe patient's needs, communicating with the healthcare team, and make quick decisions based on observations and patient complaints/concerns. Bedside spend the most time with patients, playing a crucial role in patient recovery and overall well-being.

Like I said how is it POSSIBLE to love your job , yet simultaneously mildy dread going into work everyday? In this case , the two can indeed be true at the same time.

While there is a deep sense of fulfilment every single day that i walk out of the hospital doors , there is also that draining feeling that always seems to linger because "well done you have made it through the day" also trsnslates to "And you get to do this all again tommorow" (yaayyyyy* crying saline solution * )

Notice how I said "get to" instead of "have to" . Perspective matters ! I do not take my job or education for granted , I love what I do , I am called to do what I do . I am grateful that I get to have such a direct and positive impact on my patients , I love getting to know them and I love meeting their care needs and hopefully making their hospital stay less daunting , lonely and painful. Does sthat mean that there won't be days where I feel like pulling my eyelashes out one by one ? no .

I refuse to let my blessing become a burden , Do not allow yourself to view your blessing as a burden .

There is so much I want to pursue and so much I want to be . so much I am called to be . In this season I feel like I am striving , I am doing everything at once and fast and in my own strength . I am not doing enough "waitng on the Lord to renew my strength" . (Isaiah 40:31). That is something I am being more intentional about doing in this season and beyond.

So far I am just staring week 7 of my internship . I have had weeks where I thrived and weeks where I just about survived ... barely. I want to know that no matter where you work , there will be days like this , but do not let them consume you or define you . Get home , take a shower and literally wash the day OFF. Talk about how you feel to someone you trust , pray to your heavely Father. You are not alone.

I often sit down and think to my self "Am I actually going to be a qualified nurse when these nine months are over"? / "On a real thing CAN I EVEN DO THIS"? and the answer is Yes I will be and yes by His grace I can. It is literally still only tthe beginning , I have so much to learn but as long I am intentional about learning every single day ? I will reach my competency. I will finally become the RGN.

Besides , like my mother always reiterates when I express the hardship of something I am undertaking " Are you the first one to do it " ? She says this because if it has been done before ? I too can do it !

To add fuel to fire I have a 6000 word literature review to complete that wants to FINISH ME , but in Jesus Mighty Name ? i will be the one to finish IT . On time AND very well , and the blog said .... ? AMEN

This is all part of the beautiful , yet daunting journey of becoming ,,,,

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Guys there was no real structure to this post , this is what is currently on my mind that I wanted to share with to encourage somebody they are not alone in their feelings, in their struggles

Signing Out - RGN2BE

Jennyfa x

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